1/22/16
The last few months have been nothing but me trying to figure out me. Progress has been slow. My school work, job and my relationships with my family and friends have each taken a bit of a back seat. If during this time, I have had some form of negative affect on you I am sorry, truly. Also, to people who have done the same to me in that stretch of time and before, well I don't really care. The actions, and thoughts of others have not really been on my mind.
I am learning to take responsibility for the wrong things I do. Not so much toward others, because I do feel that I own up to my actions in that regard. But I do a terrible job of treating myself the right way. So if what I am going through is depression, or just a bad few years, or whatever it is, I know that a lot of it falls on me. I need to eat healthier. I need to get my ass to the gym. I need to listen better. And I need to think carefully about the words that I use or don't use. But mostly what I need to do is find out what makes me me, and how to live that life. Because if i'm not living as the best Mack i can be, then I am never going to be able to achieve anything else.
I started CWU in Fall of 2012. It was the only school I applied too, but a 100% acceptance rate for college is nothing to sneeze at, and the credit I receive for such a thing is always lacking....DAD. But when I showed up I put on a good face, as I always do. I cracked jokes, I smiled, I laughed, I wasn't happy. Its hard to pinpoint when I started not to be happy, mainly because its hard to pinpoint when i realized I wasn't happy. (BTW, i wont be proof reading or using a thesaurus or anything for the majority of these. If i want to do something formal i will. If i catch mistakes is will fix them, But thats not really the point of this currently. so BEAR with me...............) I knew it wasn't the school. It came down to me. I didnt know what type of person i wanted to be, so figuring out the friends i wanted, the major I wanted, or anything was near impossible to decide.
I have switched majors 6 times since coming to CWU. I came originally to do Sports Business, Then switched to broadcast journalism, screenwriting, theater, education and finally Political Science. So as you can see, it was a very clear and concise grouping of fields that made it very easy to decypher what my degree should be. Oddly enough, I even considered going into meteorology simply because that was apparently what i wanted to be in kindergarten. I remember the drawing that i did for it and everything. Kindergarten was a good ass time. I highly recommend. But alas, i landed on political science. Which as it turns out, has become a very fine choice, a choice that was made in November of my Junior year here at Central.
24hrs prior to my declaration as a Poli. Sci. major, I found myself in line to declare a a Secondary History Education Major, in Black Hall here on campus. Whilst in said line, my hands began to shake. My body temp rose. I started to sweat. This was my first ever panic attack/nervous breakdown. I could sense it coming. I had no clue how to handle it. I had no clue what i would have done if i would have let that happen. All i knew to do was stuff my papers in my backpack and wrinkly as i could, and get the fuck out of that building, which i did. I knew that that had to be a sign that Education, at least at that time, was not for me. So i went home, looked online at the catalog of majors on the CWU website, saw political science, remembered the 101 poli sci class i had my freshman year. i remembered that i enjoy my politial opinions, and talking about politics with others, so i called the department. They didnt have a secretary so the Chair of the Dept. answered the phone. He talked me through the major, I looked at the requirements, did some math, and discovered that i could do Poli Sci and still graduate in 4 years total. Less than a 15hrs later I was in the Poli Sci. Office and was declared as a Poli Sci Major.
I have no plans on using my degree.
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